yeah, yeah, i know.

i said i'd post...like 2 weeks ago.
i had stuff to do. dangit.
today is my last of spanish, thank god.
and then it all begins anew on monday. no rest for the wicked.
but anyway.
i said i'd tell how i got locked out the house. i also have two COUNT 'EM two additional stories featuring my dog as the antagonist.

"Locked Out"
so. the yardman (francisco) was cutting the lawn, and i was supposed to pay him. i woke up, aided by the phone vibrating under my head and the lawnmower right outside my window. my mother, prior to leaving, begged me to do something about my hair so i didn't scare francisco (who is like 65) to death by my heatmeiser bedhead. so i hop in the shower. as i'm getting out and applying lotion, i hear the doorbell. so, i figure, i'm just paying him, i can come back and get fully dressed in a minute. i threw a tank top and some sweats on.

first crucial mistake: i neglected underwear.

so i go to the door, pay him, and he says he has to do the back, so can i get lefty the black lab?
i go out the garage, leave the door cracked because we have a fancy lock with a keypad now, that i did not know the code to. i wrangle the dog, stick him in the garage, and then:

my second crucial mistake: i close the door so lefty can't get in the house.

but now, neither can i.
i go to open the door, and i cannot. the garage is closed and it is sweltering. i am sweating my lotion off, my dog is looking at me crazy while i am crying, punching numbers in and beating on the door like someone will let me in.
inventory: no keys, no phone, no draws, one dog.
great.
so i go to throw myself upon the mercy of my neighbors. i spot another yardman and put my pitiful face on. having procured his phone, i call my mother and father frantically. they will laugh about this later. finally reaching my father and getting the code, i am then cussed out by my neighbor, because i couldn't leave lefty in the garage, the final crucial mistake. he seems to think lefty and fool dog are one and the same. i restrain an impulse to cuss back, make it back to my house, punch in the code, put lefty in the back, and take another shower.

"Flashing Lig--Neighbors"
so, i wake up, or am woken up, rather. it's cleaning time. so i'm looking around the house, and i spot some recycling. so i take it out. mind you, i just woke up. hair looks crazy. i'm wearing a tank top and rolled up boxers. so of course my neighbors is outside mowing his lawn. and my dog has escaped. i wrassle him back in and try to throw the recycling way in a dignified manner, but it's hard to be dignified when your thighs are exposed up the the hip. *deren told me my legs remind her of aliens. isn't she the best? -_- * i go back to my house (i left the door open this time) and leave my pride with the recycling. maybe an hour later, i hear a whuffling noise outside my window. i go to look, real cautious like in case someone's tryna come steal me (or worse, the stereos) and it's lefty.
great.
so i go put him back out, fussing the whole way while he grins at me (dogs can grin. and they often do so salaciously) like "aww, you're just joking with me, you know you LOOOOOVE you some me." so i go to the fence, and someone has moved the stone we use to keep him from escaping.
mind you, the FIRST TIME i put him back, i moved that stone.
i think he knows how to get out. and he's coming for me, because a) i'm the only one at home and b) i'm the only one he can punk.

dang dog.